I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
