Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
