I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
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there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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