We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
