Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
