I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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