life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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