no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
