Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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