i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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