He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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