the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
