Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
