Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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