I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
