i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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