I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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