we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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