I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
