just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
