I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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