If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
