How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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