So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
