Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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