margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
