The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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