Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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