we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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