I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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