You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You are a genius and a whore.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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