i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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