I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
