i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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