Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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