I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
