Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
