they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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