I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
