she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
