if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In other news, I just burned my penis
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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