the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
