there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
