First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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