Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
