i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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