thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
