I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
