I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
