if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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