Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
