I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm always down for nudity.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
