your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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