i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
