Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
