I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
