im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize