He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
