idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
