so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
