but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
