Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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