She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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