Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
