I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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