Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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